Yeah, So, That's A No

But, wow, how I wish Dr. Glatstein was my doctor.  He rocked.  A really lovely gentleman, honest, and well, just nice, in the best sense of the word.  A doctor I feel I could trust.  Alas, tis not to be.  I understand their reasoning, I just wish the receptionist at the main branch hadn't hedged her bets, so I didn't have to drive to the back of beyond today. 

Oh, did I mention I've had a bit to drink?  If you haven't guessed all ready...heh heh heh. Ah, you know me too well.  Here's my thing, though: we live 30 min from the nearest bar and I'm the designated (only) driver, so unless we stay at my Mom's, there's no drinking pour moi.  Anyway, I've had 2 Long Island Iced Teas and 2 Jim Beam and Cokes, so I'm feeling very buzzed, but not overly so.  I could drink more, but, y'know, I have to drive home tomorrow.

Yeah, not because of the 'no', although I feel terrible and might otherwise cry about it, beca  Ause I want my - btw, this is going to be an incredibly sappy and drunkenly sad sentence, you might want to skip it - anyway, yeah, I want my husband's baby.

I should mention at this point that proper spelling  is er, not a high on the list at the moment.

PS: Gwyneth Paltrow, sweetie, you can only play the 'mistranslated' and 'taken out of context' cards so many times.  I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, my point is tha t while Mr. Oro believes that we should  not  push donor sperm to the side, I'm not sure I can deal.  To wit, will I feel as if the baby is more 'mine' because it's my egg, my body, but not his sperm?  He's such a good, decent, brilliant, funny man - it's so fucking wrong.  Of all his siblings, he's the one that deserves children the most.  He says he won't feel differently because of donor sperm, but how can I be sure of that?  Wouldn't adoption be most fair, because then neither of us have that genetic tie, that  tie that I want so much?

Speaking of Mr. Oro, his...ex-stepdaughter?  Former stepdaughter?  Stepdaughter in all but name? had her 16th birthday yestday.  I love her, I hope she comes to visit us soon.  I've only known her for a year, but she's a really cool kid.  I hope she escapes the whole pregnancy/benefit/abusive partner thing.  Same thing for Mr. Oro's...er...cousin of the stepdaughter.  She's just turned 13 and had her first period. Her grades have plummeted and she hates the world.  I'm worried for her, becuase while she's a smart kid, she's been a tomboy all her life, with little discipline (not for the lack of trying from her mom so much as the sabotage of such by her grandmother, who lives  in the same apartment block).  I'm not saying she's slow so much as that she's very immature for her age, still very much a child, if you know what I mean.  She's the only child of a single mom, and has had far too much attention from adults, so that she expects to be entertained and coddled, and throws fits when she's not (which isn't to say she's not a lovely girl,  just that she's rude and has a lot of growing up to do).  I worry about her.  Her I can see getting pregnant within the next two years, simply because a boy paid attention to her...and yet, she's cunning, she's smart enough to know better, I'm just not sure she'll act on her gut instincts.

    Am I doomed or what?  They're not even my kids, hell, I'm not even related to them, I'm an ocean away and I worry.

This book, The Conception Chronicles, was on the coffee table at the dr's.  It's all very lighthearted, and while I'm surfe it's a good read, it really pissed me off.  Maybe if I were starting out, fresh and unbitter, it would be a great book for me, but after 8 years it's all very FUCK YOU AND THE SPITTLE PONY YOU RODE IN ON.

I'm just sayin'.

But anyhow, that made me think of books we might write, like:

The Big Book Of Bitter by Akeeyu Buttmansion (dudes, just the idea of seeing 'Akeeyu Buttmansion' in print had me giggling to myself)

China In My Hand (And Pointy Shoes, Too) by Karen N. Ovary

Taming the Wild ScotsManBeast And Other Legends by B. Mare

And, of course,

Paint This, Bitch! by our very own Cricket

I don't think The Conception Chronicles was bitter enough for my taste.  It was too lite, too trite, too ha-ha-ha.  Admittedly I only briefly flicked through it before starting my re-read of the ever so fun Anatomy of Motive (I did mention I've started working on my XF fanfic again, right?  And that I've just started watching season 3 of Millennium?).  Because there's nothing like reading true crime books while awaiting a session to determine one's child-conceiving thingies.

Thingies.  yes, that is the technical term.

What the hell else is going on...oh yes, I was going to finish my prejudicial post, but fuck if I can remember the details.  Basically, it was all about The Other, and how I still stare at The Other in my hometown when I'm not used to seeing The Other in my hometown.  Oh, yes, of course I intellectually know better, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to stare (or at least, Look For Too Long).  Can't help it, really.  It's not from ignorance, or being culturally unaware, it's from plain old 'difference', from, 'you're a stranger to these parts'.  It's not nice, I've been on the receiving end myself, but it's not necessarily bad, either.

On a tangent, Oh, how I wish I were a willowy 20-something.  Hell, a willowy-30-something, instead of being close to the North side of 40, knowing that I won't have children because of something I have very little control over.

If you haven't already figured it out, it sucks to be fat.

Comments

[Cricket]

Oro,
That's a lot to be digesting. I'm glad you're drunk again this time. I hope you're not paying this morning.

[Cricket]

Forgot to say thanks for my first book title. Tres clever, bitch.

[Lut C.]

Have all the clinics said no? Or just the close-by one? I thought the far away one was willing to treat you.

Thinking about donor sperm doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy inside either. Sure, it might actually work, but it's a big adjustment.

[millie]

The hardest thing for me is not making a baby with my man. Because like yours he's the best in his family bunch and an awesome guy.

You are so right about Gwynneth. You are so right about so much.

Hope you had a good drive back.

[Pamplemousse]

OK maybe it is the drinking but I am confused. Has the clinic turned you down because of the weight or the sperm or neither? Sober explanation required, lady.

PS you are missing Torchwood which is downright filthy in comparison to Dr Who and I even fancy a gay man =0

[Orodemniades]

Torchwood! :sob: I'd like to take Captain Jack home and do...naughty things...to him.

As for the turn down, oh yes, I'm too fat.