Dear Customer -
When asking a book to be gift-wrapped, it is not
appropriate to stand next to the clerk and stare. This
makes the clerk nervous, and Bad Things Can Happen.
Let's just say there's a reason why your wrapped book
will be whipped into a bag as soon as you glance to
Yours, A Poor Wrapper
Dear Ebay -
Burying your 'how not to pay sellers fees' under
'close my account' fucking sucks. I hate the fact that
I have to continue to use you after you've gypped
me out of a few hundred bucks, because I've spent
years trying to figure that out without loosing my
Yours, Pissed Off
Dear Out-of-Staters -
Clearly, you don't know how to drive. Just
because you drive an SUV doesn't mean that
somehow you are exempt from having
Also, YOU SUCK.
Yours, Subaru Owner
Dear Repeat Miscarrier -
Sweetie, look, I gave you the urls to Stirrup
Queens and the Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant
Loss websites for a reason. You told me you had Rh factor
the first time we met, right after your 3rd miscarriage.
Iasked you if you were getting the shot and you said
yes, but then ran off as another customer approached.
You've had 4 miscarriages now, the last one not two
weeks ago, and despite your adherence to the 'It's God's
Will' line, your heart-ache is heartbreaking - for those of us
who can see it in your eyes. I told you I was infertile
and how IVF was my only chance for children, and after
I recommended that you go to my clinic, you shot me
down with 'God's Will' and how 'creepy' IVF was.
I have to say, that was a drive-by I didn't see coming.
I guess I'm still foolish in thinking that those who
can pregnant through actual sex but who've had
trouble keeping pregnant might be understanding, or
at least commiserating, but no, clearly not.
I am still hurt by what you said. I tried to cover my
pain* by saying that god indeed worked in mysterious
ways, and who knew who was working through the
doctors at the clinic, right...?
Today you returned the book on miscarriage you got
last week for the book showing pictures of the stages
of conception. The book is beautiful, but sweetie, when
you said you needed to see what stage the baby was
when you miscarried - o, I just wanted to give you a hug.
You once told me you wanted 6 kids, your husband, too,
and you've got two now, two girls, under 2 years old.
But when today you talked about how people would just
tell you to relax and enjoy your pregnancies I nodded,
and said that it's a terrifying experience after bad stuff**
has happened to you.
You're a young woman, under 30, but I see an unhappy
future filled with more miscarriages if you do not take
it upon yourself to figure out wtf is going on sooner
rather than later.
Yours, A Sister (somewhat aggrieved)
* not an entry into the Pain Olympics. Also, it's like that old joke about the guy on the sinking boat who refuses to leave when the Coast Guard appears, won't take a life bouy from a rescue helicopter, all the time saying that God would save him. Eventually he drowns. At Heaven's Gate he asks God why he wasn't saved, to which God replies, 'Listen, I sent the Coast Guard, a helicopter, what else did you want me to do?'
** yeah, like infertility