The Liminal Universe

The Giggler

Because that's what he did as he trotted towards me last night.  And then that's what we did.

He's walking!  But, will he talk?!

Babylust

I feel like this:



Oro out

Names

Little pea
sweetheart
sweetie
Mr Man
baby



but dear gods, not this:



see more Fail Blog

The Perfect Mother

I think I am in danger ofr trying to be the Perfect Mother.

But I'm not sure yet.

It's just really hard to believe that someday there will be doors slammed, feelings hurt, shouting voices.  It's unrealistic to expect otherwise and, quite frankly, a little creepy to think there's a family out there where that doesn't happen.

But yes, I always try not to show my occassional frustration with the Chieftain (mostly I get frustrated at Mr Oro), like last night when he didn't go to sleep until ten! fif! teen!.  He was too busy playing 'push Mommy's nipple into the boobie really heard!' to sleep.  And Mr Oro was covering a flaking paint wall in the dining room, which is just next door to the downstairs bedroom.

I try to keep him happy/content/somethingbuti'mnotsurewhat.  I try to get him outside for at least an hour every day, but that's hard between the biting bugs and the busy road.

Maybe I should talk more about me: I want to be helpful, and kind, and rarely angry.  I want to treat him with respect even when he's being dumb (future years, obviously).  I want to be wise in all ways, and a dumkopf in few.  I want to have the perfct body so I don't embarass him in front of his friends/other mothers.  I want to be funny, I want to be a good homemaker, I want to be a great gardener, I want to always have time for him.

It's ridiculous, yet that's where I'm at right now.  I know I can only ever hope to be 'good enough', and the times (daily) when I just want to sit and read or peruse a blog or two or maybe even type a post are...I lost my train of thought.  I want not to feel guilty for typing this instead of folding the laundry on the coffee table behind me.  I'd like to actually put away the folded clean laundry that's on the couch.  I'd like to not feel guilty over the hope that he's going to sleep just a little bit longer this morning so I can fold laundry while watching Britain's Dream Homes (factories edition).

I'm so screwed.

Oro out.

One Day I Shall Sleep

I have been up since 3:12 AM.  It is now 7:44AM

Today is not the day I shall sleep.

I leave for work in an hour, and have to go shopping afterwards.  I should be home by 7PM.  When I shall commence making dinner and playing with the Chieftain.  Hopefully he will be in bed by 9PM.

At what time will I give up on being at all productive at work?  1PM?  3PM?  9AM?  Only the shadow knows...

...Oro

Lovely Windy Rainy Day - child mentioned

Here are some piccies for your viewing pleasure, taken this morning.  First, the wild growing porn:

Jack-In-The-Pulpit

White Violets - what you can't really see are the pale violet streaks on the petals.  Stunning.

These violets look blue, but they're  actually the loveliest shade of violet.  I've got purple violets too, but I didn't take a pic.

Daffodil that was planted years and years and years ago.  Either that, or someone's been doing mystery gardening!  This is the first time they've bloomed in three years, at least.

A surprise guest!  Surprised the hell out of me, anyway.  Notice how much he just looks like an old leaf.

And now for the plants I just spent money on. Besides the below, I bought 3 different Buddleia, butterfly flower, Calla lilies, Casa Blanca lilies, Gladiola bulbs, Pacific Giant Delphiniums, Crocosmia (I planted 45 bulbs this morning), and, um, some other things.  Some I bought way back in February when there was a sale on at Dutch Gardens. Hey, I could either pay down a credit card with my tax return or enjoy beauty for the summer (assuming they survive any frosts that might pop up this week):

Lobelia, and it does sorta smell like vanilla.  The purple is very intense, much darker than what you see here.

Pansies.

Scabiosa?  And, er, the pink one?

Have i mentioned I live on a busy dirt road?  A dirt road that's just been graded?  So, to keep Mr Man from crawling into the road, I filled a flower pot with stones (since throwing and tasting them is his new thing when we're outdoors) and figured he could take them out, put them in, take them out, put them in, etc.  Here's he's distracted by an approaching car.  I have no idea how the pic came out so freakin' gorgeously, all soft and stuff.  One of my all-time favorites.

Hmm, rocks in hand, water container in front of me...what to do, what to do...

Hee! 

By the by, all the locals who drove by when we were about 2 feet from the road?  LOVED IT.  They stopped for a chat, smiled and waved, laughed and made comments about my little future gardener.  I certainly hope that's the case, but really, it'll help once I get some veggies planted.

And now, I need lunch before he wakes from his nap. 

Oro, very pleased with herself for entertaining Mr Man while planting those bulbs plus  two lavender and uncovering three more stones from the stone walkway that everyone forgot about over the course of the past 30+ years.

Question

How soon after weaning can I expect my period to return?  Cuz it's been like, a month, yo and I'm beginning to get paranoid.  There have been some heavy uterine twinges, but nothing so far...

Oro, the exhausted

Worst Mother In The World, Tuesday Edition

So, he fell out of a door.  Admittedly, the drop was less than 4 inches, but he landed on pebble and cut his wee head.

See, there's a screen door there that he likes to stand and pound on, and yesterday, while I was getting laundry off the line he somehow opened the door, went to stand and pound, except there was no screen there.  So I feel terrible.  Also, he managed to break a hinge on one of the kitchen cabinet doors.  Strongest baby in the world?

He's had a runny nose and been super clingy the past few days, since his blood draw on Monday, this one successful, I might add.  There were a couple of spots around his measles injection, and there might be more of a rash cropping up this week, according to his doctors.  Poor little tyke.

I hope that if the swine flu pops up in these parts that it's the mild version.  I feel terrible for the parents in Texas.

Oro out.

13

The level of lead in the Chieftain's blood, 13. 

We have no idea where it's coming from, but suspect our water, which comes from a well.  We had it tested when we first moved in, 2 years ago, and it was .015.  Anything above .016 is actionable.  Now, here's the thing - we have all new piping because the main house was renovated.  New floors, new walls, ceilings, paint...wtf is the lead coming from?  I saw our builder the other day and he was just as befuddled as we are.  Anyway, we have to go for another blood draw on Monday as Friday's draw was utterly unsuccessful.  I guess if it's in the water, it must have built up in my breastmilk...right?

Speaking of the boobies, I haven't pumped today.  I last pumped yesterday morning at 6:30AM.  I got two ounces in 1 hour, same as the day before, so I'm thinking it's over.  I am more relieved than sad, but still a little sad.

Ah well!

Oro out.

Two Weeks Later...

and Mr Man had decided that yeah, he can stand by himself, no big whoop. Oh, and by the way, yesterday he felt that he was ready to take his first independent steps.  It took plenty of tries, but the Chieftain ate some avocado chunks with olive oil and salt last night - yay!  And he chomped on a spear of asparagus this morning, choked on fresh apple last week (he loves fresh apple, but the choking I could do without), is drinking out of a wee cup as well as using the cheap-assed sippy cup I got from WIC a few weeks ago.  Not the BPA free ones, the Foogo or FUGU or frisbee, or the NUK one, nope.  It's like buying an expensive cat toy and finding they love the rolled up ball of tin foil the best.

Dr F still wants me to get him a hearing test, because Mr Oro has some hearing loss and tinnitus, but I'm not all that concerned.  She's also worried that he's not speaking yet, although he babbles plenty and says mama and dadih (mostly dadih) at us as well as everything else.  He's recently  gotten the concept of shoes + feet, bringing Mr Oro's sandals to him and nudging Mr Oro's feet with them until Mr Oro put them on.  And he nudges his own feet with his shoes.  He's pointing at birds and leaves and the occasional car, and if you as him where someone is, he'll point in the direction, or look, or, go to the person.

I, of course, was at work, and therefore did not see said first steps.  There really is nothing like irrational jealousy of one's spouse to put things in perspective, is there?  . 

Speaking of spouses, it's only taken  1 year and 7 months, and, y'know, weaning, but the other night I actually felt some sexual desire.  You might be thinking, whateffingever, but people, there has not even been any self-love.  I know, T to the M to the I.  I was going to write that this feeling was exciting, heh. Nevermind.  Obviously I won't be so lucky as those two, but that's life.  Plans for FET 2009 are still on, depending on how many cycles I have to do before we try (I'm assuming 3?), and how long it takes for me to be 'regular' again.  Weird to think I haven't had a period since this time...2007!  I'm just praying that the pain isn't increased, like it did for a friend of mine (and btw, if your OB tells you to 'just get pregnant' and 'your cramps will get better' because 'we didn't find any endometriosis'?  Not so much according to her).

~*~

Still having body shape issues with the advent of spring.  Having issues with virutally everyone I know going on diets or talking about eating and how 'fat' they are and good fucking god I can already tell that I'm going to have a lot of trouble with the Chieftain, weight issues, and the world at large.  I'm going to leave it at that, but I'm sure your imaginations will do the rest.  Gods help the fat children.

Oro out.