The Liminal Universe

Go Man Go

- the stairs.

So it was with great trepidation when I saw the door to the upstairs wide open

 and when I looked

there was no baby in sight

and when  I went up the really steep stairs calling his name,

silence

and when  I looked into the big bedroom on the left

it was empty of baby

so when I entered Mr Oro's office

it was with great relief that I saw a smiling Chieftain,

playing with some computer  wiring under Mr Oro's chair

looking all pleased that Mommy had found him.

I did not freak out, instead, I cooed, Oo, what a smart

baby you are!  Let's go back downstairs and have some toast!

~*~

What will tomrrow bring?

Oro out

Lovely Windy Rainy Day - child mentioned

Here are some piccies for your viewing pleasure, taken this morning.  First, the wild growing porn:

Jack-In-The-Pulpit

White Violets - what you can't really see are the pale violet streaks on the petals.  Stunning.

These violets look blue, but they're  actually the loveliest shade of violet.  I've got purple violets too, but I didn't take a pic.

Daffodil that was planted years and years and years ago.  Either that, or someone's been doing mystery gardening!  This is the first time they've bloomed in three years, at least.

A surprise guest!  Surprised the hell out of me, anyway.  Notice how much he just looks like an old leaf.

And now for the plants I just spent money on. Besides the below, I bought 3 different Buddleia, butterfly flower, Calla lilies, Casa Blanca lilies, Gladiola bulbs, Pacific Giant Delphiniums, Crocosmia (I planted 45 bulbs this morning), and, um, some other things.  Some I bought way back in February when there was a sale on at Dutch Gardens. Hey, I could either pay down a credit card with my tax return or enjoy beauty for the summer (assuming they survive any frosts that might pop up this week):

Lobelia, and it does sorta smell like vanilla.  The purple is very intense, much darker than what you see here.

Pansies.

Scabiosa?  And, er, the pink one?

Have i mentioned I live on a busy dirt road?  A dirt road that's just been graded?  So, to keep Mr Man from crawling into the road, I filled a flower pot with stones (since throwing and tasting them is his new thing when we're outdoors) and figured he could take them out, put them in, take them out, put them in, etc.  Here's he's distracted by an approaching car.  I have no idea how the pic came out so freakin' gorgeously, all soft and stuff.  One of my all-time favorites.

Hmm, rocks in hand, water container in front of me...what to do, what to do...

Hee! 

By the by, all the locals who drove by when we were about 2 feet from the road?  LOVED IT.  They stopped for a chat, smiled and waved, laughed and made comments about my little future gardener.  I certainly hope that's the case, but really, it'll help once I get some veggies planted.

And now, I need lunch before he wakes from his nap. 

Oro, very pleased with herself for entertaining Mr Man while planting those bulbs plus  two lavender and uncovering three more stones from the stone walkway that everyone forgot about over the course of the past 30+ years.

Two Weeks Later...

and Mr Man had decided that yeah, he can stand by himself, no big whoop. Oh, and by the way, yesterday he felt that he was ready to take his first independent steps.  It took plenty of tries, but the Chieftain ate some avocado chunks with olive oil and salt last night - yay!  And he chomped on a spear of asparagus this morning, choked on fresh apple last week (he loves fresh apple, but the choking I could do without), is drinking out of a wee cup as well as using the cheap-assed sippy cup I got from WIC a few weeks ago.  Not the BPA free ones, the Foogo or FUGU or frisbee, or the NUK one, nope.  It's like buying an expensive cat toy and finding they love the rolled up ball of tin foil the best.

Dr F still wants me to get him a hearing test, because Mr Oro has some hearing loss and tinnitus, but I'm not all that concerned.  She's also worried that he's not speaking yet, although he babbles plenty and says mama and dadih (mostly dadih) at us as well as everything else.  He's recently  gotten the concept of shoes + feet, bringing Mr Oro's sandals to him and nudging Mr Oro's feet with them until Mr Oro put them on.  And he nudges his own feet with his shoes.  He's pointing at birds and leaves and the occasional car, and if you as him where someone is, he'll point in the direction, or look, or, go to the person.

I, of course, was at work, and therefore did not see said first steps.  There really is nothing like irrational jealousy of one's spouse to put things in perspective, is there?  . 

Speaking of spouses, it's only taken  1 year and 7 months, and, y'know, weaning, but the other night I actually felt some sexual desire.  You might be thinking, whateffingever, but people, there has not even been any self-love.  I know, T to the M to the I.  I was going to write that this feeling was exciting, heh. Nevermind.  Obviously I won't be so lucky as those two, but that's life.  Plans for FET 2009 are still on, depending on how many cycles I have to do before we try (I'm assuming 3?), and how long it takes for me to be 'regular' again.  Weird to think I haven't had a period since this time...2007!  I'm just praying that the pain isn't increased, like it did for a friend of mine (and btw, if your OB tells you to 'just get pregnant' and 'your cramps will get better' because 'we didn't find any endometriosis'?  Not so much according to her).

~*~

Still having body shape issues with the advent of spring.  Having issues with virutally everyone I know going on diets or talking about eating and how 'fat' they are and good fucking god I can already tell that I'm going to have a lot of trouble with the Chieftain, weight issues, and the world at large.  I'm going to leave it at that, but I'm sure your imaginations will do the rest.  Gods help the fat children.

Oro out.

Look, No Rant!

I know, I'm impressed, too.

I'm slowly getting over round 2 of the chesty coughy fevery cold thing, and some additional sleep, too.  But only because Mr Man had decided he needs sleep, too.  Did you know that breastmilk = sleep aid?  I did, actually, but it's nice to have proof positive. Too bad I'm only pumping 8-10oz a day now, eh.  Now, if only the Chieftain would eat more, life would be even better.  Anyone have any ideas on how to stop pumping altogether?  I figure I'll go down to once, and then nunce*, a day.

Anyhoo, the Chieftain's crawling like the wind these days, and Sunday night, he got to his feeties!  All by himself!  He's very confident about cruising along furniture, playing with the mouse (tv watching via the internet requires a computer in the living room) and th broken keyboard I got from work.

I feel so boring when I sit down to type, now.  Things I'm trying to get accomplished:

• create a web store for work
• clean up front and back yards
• hire someone to take care of Japanese Knotweed
• hire someone to take care of saplings, broken tree tops, and downed trees in back yard
• do more spring cleaning before spiders come out full force
• figure out horrible money issues - did you know you can't pay Chase credit cards with another credit card over the phone?  And that if you want to do it online, they "require" your SSN?  Yeah, neither did I.

Gah, must go fold laundry and stir ham and bean soup before I leave for work.

Laterz gaterz

Oro

* so not a real word.  Nonce, on the other hand, is.

ETA: when they say the boobies shrink after breastfeeding?  They are lying!!!

*cough*

Thank you, bosses, for making me ill.

Should I thank myself for making the Chieftain ill?  Because he in one unhappy baby.  Thanks to the power of INFANT Tylenol his fever has gone down (along with the goosebumps), he's eaten, done two big poops, and tried to pull my bowl of cereal towards himself (which was, of course, how I truly knew he was feeling better) and is now sleeping next to me, where i can make sure he's breathing.  As you do.

But I'm still nervous, of course.  I think i posted before, briefly, about how much trouble I'm having trying not to obsess about The State Of The World/History and All The Babies That Have Died In Terrible Ways...yeah, history looks a lot different once the baby comes along.  Suddenly a lot of wars and atrocities (Johnny Extreme Fundamentalist* I'm talking to you) seem even more ridiculous than before.  I don't think I'll ever go through a cemetary visit again without wondering how all those little babies died.  I think I read somewhere that back in the day, in Europe, at least, since most people (women) traveled less than 2 miles from their home within their lifetime, getting a 'mere' cold could be a death sentence as they not only had little immunity, but there were of course no life-saving technologies like IVs for dehydration, or pure oxygen to breathe or drugs to help break up whatever.  Like that scene in Sense and Sensibility, after Kate Winslet goes running through the rain and ends up very ill and everyone panics?  Well, that's what that's all about.

Which is my very long winded way of saying that I'm concerned about the Chieftain, and then there's this snow/freezing rain/sleet storm going on, so much so that my boss told me not to come in to work today hours before I was due to head out, and now I'm all worried about him being sick and us losing power = no more heat because we still don't have a bleeding wood stove, and unlike last year, I am loathe to head out to my mother's at 10:30 at night with tree branches cracking off and trunks falling into the road, etc.

Ah, he;s awake and clinging gotta go bye

* enter religion of choice here

Shake, Rattle, and Roll

Well, today he figured out how to hold and shake his rattle, woohoo!  He's also laughing, is able to bear much more of his own weight, and is horking down milk like nothing on earth.  He's very chatty, and is including new vowel/consonant combinations every week.  Today, it appears to be 'f' sounds.

We are well impressed.  He's a genius!

~*~

We've been reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, who gives great advice despite sounding like a cast member of Eastenders (seriously, 'luv' is littered throughout the book, and all the Londoners I ever met at the store just had to speak like they were from Walford, for what reason, I don't know, but it grew annoying).  Lots of good advice (we have a 'spirited' baby with touches of 'textbook'), but I wish I'd bought it earlier!  We are resolving the 'sleeping in your pnp is really cool' thing, which is easy so long as he's in The Zone, which I haven't figured out yet.  Mr Oro is, of course, on top of the game.  Bastard. (he's sitting next to me reading along, HA). ANYway, uh, I had a point but I think I just answered it so never mind.

~*~

We have not gone diaper free yet.  I am disappointed, but now that The Chieftain's poops have changed from several times a day to 'when I'm good and ready' aka 'could be today, could be 4 days from now'.  We're going to cloth diapers (bumGenius) until we figure it out.

~*~

When I say 'horking down his milk', I'm talking about him finishing a bottle in 10 minutes.  Seriously, he seems to want food all the time and given that he's just attained 13lbs (not that he looks it apart from his widdle* cheeky cheekies), well, now of course I'm worried that he's eating for the sake of eating rather than actually being hungry. Also, he's lost what neck he had. 

~*~

His coloring is absolutely beautiful at the moment.  Peaches and cream cheeks, storm blue eyes, the dark blonde hair that looks light brown unless he's in the sunlight.  But! Yesterday I noticed that his fingers are darkening by his fingernails, so we're thinking he's going to get darker.  I confess I love his coloring right now and I don't want him to get darker.  Selfishly, part of this is because I don't want him to deal with any more racist crap than he's already going to get simply because I'm his mother.  Ah well, we shall see.

~*~

He loves his sleep sack, the one his Scottish grandma sent him (in blue plaid cotton, sleeveless, 2.5 tog)

~*~

and that's the update for TLU!

Oro out.

* sorry.

Oedipus Rex

As it's Mother's Day and all, the title seemed appropriate.

First of all, I must tell you that we've given the Chieftain a more 'regular' schedule, with the result being that he's sleeping mostly through the night,  Best of all, he's nowhere near as overtired has he was, so life is skittles, life is beer.  He's happier and so are we.  Not that I'm getting more sleep, mind, but neither of us are getting as frustrated.  So far.

In other news, his personality is really coming to the fore.  He loves faking us out.  Frex, we'll put him in his pack n play (heretofore pnp) and after a few minutes, he'll do those short cries, y'know, the ones where they do the brief WAH and then they'll check to see if anyone's doing anything?  Well, after about 5 minutes of this Mr Oro and myself headed towards the bedroom to see what was up.  We get in, turn on a light, and he's there, grinning at us, the little so-and-so.  This morning, he was whining and crying, so Mr Oro gets up and brings him into the bed, where the whining and crying continue.  Now, I've had 4 hours of sleep after being up for 20, so I was not best pleased.  Had to get up to pump, shower,give him a bath, get him dressed, then head out to my Mother's for lunch, treat myself to a Sunday New York Times, etc.  Anyway, we're in bed, the Chieftain's crying, I roll over and say 'Good Morning!' to him, and he immediately stops crying and starts a-grinning.  Hee!  The little bugger just wanted to see me!

And he took his bath well, too.  We don't yet have a baby bath (getting one tomorrow) so I just soap him up on a towel on the kitchen table, then rinse him off in the bathroom sink.  There was no crying, although a number of 'I don't know what's going here and I'm really not sure I like it' looks.  Of course he began to cry once I started getting him dressed and oh my god I've started babbling, haven't I?

Well, continue as I mean to go on, I guess...let's talk about the poop.  Despite all the straining, his poops are perfectly normal, ie, bright yellow, soft, and curdy, with a rare swirl of green.  Which reminds me, did I mention that he's now 13 lbs?

THIRTEEN POUNDS.

He's gained a pound for every inch he's grown in height, which is cool.  We think he's going to be a tall kid.

~*~ 

I was going to write something all philosophical about the continued weirdity of Mother's Day, and how bizarre it is that I am now a target market, and how my neighbor across the way ran to give me a bouquet of pansies from her garden, and how I met another neighbor from down the road  (rural people will understand how tremendously exciting this actually is)(seriously!) and have had, altogether, a pretty good day despite my fatigue, and then I forgot all the philosophy-type ruminations I had done, and now figure that y'all get it anyway, or will soon be getting it, and it's both terrible and wonderful and odd at the same time.

I am starving, must go eat.  And maybe nap.  Or should I just go to bed after I pump?  Hmm...

Oro out.

PS: people always say that parenting is really hard, yet I'm not sure 'hard' is the right word.  Difficult at times, frustrating at other, frightening...I'd say that parenting is a lot of work, but that most of us - yes, even those who've had rotten childhoods - are far more capable of it than we might realize. 

Clearly, He's A Genius ETA: feeding

Two weeks, one day old and The Chieftain is trying to walk and crawl.  It's funny, amazing, and heartrending all at the same time.  Most of his 'tummy time' is spent not on the bed, but on my torso when I'm not quite fully reclined.  Or after we've attempted to burp him (he's already a belcher).  It' so damned cute, he struggles to push with his little feets - actually, he does that well - but he hasn't quite got the arm thing down yet.  He gets really frustrated and makes these nnnggah! noises.  Then he starts to cry.  That's the part that gets me.

Obviously, I am doomed.  Looks like I will be the typical Oversensitive Mom.  Which sucks, because I was hoping to be the Cool And Collected Mom That Nothing Bothers In Public Even Though She Might Cry In Private.

Oh well.

Never having been in the constant company of a newborn before, I'm really surprised by how fast he's progressing.  I realize that in Animal World terms human babies are ridiculously slow to learn new stuff, but I'm impressed!  So is my mom, she says she doesn't remember me being like this, yet I'm sure most babies are, I just never knew it. 

Which reminds me, I totally get the baby thing now.  Previous to The Chieftain, I thought babies were cute and all, but hold one?  Er, no, thanks.  I'll simply stare enviously from afar, cheers*.  And I'm beginning to understand while people mourn the passing of infancy.  Babies really are fascinating as they develop, though.  Already he's opening his eyes wider, taking in the world, although he can't really focus yet.  He's trying to sit up, too, with that wide-eyed look that should mean something beyond 'wth is that?'.

~*~

As for making him wait when he cries, er, that's not really for him as it is, um, for me.  See, I'm trying to train myself not to run to him at every peep and squeak, because I know that if I don't start now, well, it'll be bad, later on.  And rougher on him, because he won't understand why, and that'll just be even more frustrating for him.  Besides, I last all of about 15 seconds at this point. :-P

~*~

The UTI seems to be leaving, but I do suspect that a yeast infection is raising its ugly head instead.  If so, I'm sure it's because of the stupid pads I've been wearing since the c-section, but since the lochia appears to have dried up, I'm going to forego the pads for now.

~*~

Is it possible for one boob to have little milk while the other goes into overdrive?  Lefty is having issues, with a painful nipple to boot.  I will never be so grateful for the pump now that my little horker is eating more and more often.

ETA: apparently I have flat nipples now.  Before my boobs changed, I had the typical pencil eraser nips, yet now the boobs have gotten (even) bigger, my nipples don't protrude any further out.  I hear nipple shields are The Work Of The Devil, but I've got two on order in hopes that some day I'll be able to feed on demand rather than bottle on demand.  I'll be calling the local LC tomorrow (did I mention she's a doula, nurse, and bellydancer? no?) for help, too.

~*~

Well, it's only taken me 5 hours to write this post (had to take a little detour via YouTube and Amazon), so I guess I'll post it now.  Or something.

Oro and The Chieftain, out

* In the British sense, which is not only a toast, but said as a 'thank you' as well.  Took me 10 years before I fell under its spell, and even now I can't stop using it.  Addictive little word.